#i'm kinda already regretting posting this 😭

[aquareegia]

Noah

So some of you showed an interest in my Sleep Token OC Noah, so here is a little piece I wrote about them.

As always a disclaimer, that I'm not a particularly good writer and English is not my native language. If you choose to read, I hope you enjoy a glimpse into Noah's story.

☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ:⠀ *⋆.*:･ﾟ .: ⋆*･ﾟ: .⋆☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ:⠀ *⋆.*:･ﾟ .: ⋆*･ﾟ: .⋆☾

A tall silhouette, their face covered by a big black hood, was sitting on the windowsill looking up at the night sky, listening to the quiet strumming of a bass and the tuning sounds of a guitar.

"It still sounds off." They said in a monotone voice.

"I know!" The guitarist said with mild annoyance in his voice. He'd been trying to tune the sound for a while but somehow the guitar didn't want to cooperate tonight.

"He's messing with you!" The bassist said pointing up at the windowsill. But he wasn't pointing at the black hooded silhouette but at a small black silhouette sitting next to them. A black void in the vague shape of a cat, six yellow eyes glistening in amusement.

"Sleep you...!" IV said but bit his tongue before he could utter an insult. Insulting an ancient deity, that he owed all that he had, was certainly a bad idea.

The cat laughed a throaty laugh that could only be described as otherworldly. He jumped on the lap of the black figure and closed his eyes, while a pale hand started to stroke his fur.

Sleep wasn't a cat. None of them really knew what he actually looked like. While he was around them, he liked to take on the forms of animals, a black cat seemed to be his favourite. No matter how much he messed with them, they couldn't really be mad at a little fluffball after all.

The hooded figure smiled in amusement. An invisible smile, since nobody could see it. Even when their face wasn't covered by a big hood and a mask covering their mouth, nobody could see it. They made sure to never show emotion on their face. Emotions were a burden and Noah didn’t want to be a burden.

"Hey Noah!" III said, putting away his bass. The hooded figure tilted their head looking down at the bassist. Noah was their name, their new one at least. They didn't remember their old name. It was part of their deal with Sleep but they didn't care. A name didn't mean much to them.

"I've been meaning to ask for a while... how did you become one of us?" III said.

IV put his guitar down. "I've been wondering the same actually. You're one of us but... we don't really know anything about you."

One of us, they said. A vessel for this deity they called Sleep. The very same curled into a ball on their lap, pretending to be asleep.

Whoever followed Sleep and spread his message, was promised glory but Noah didn't want that. They were different from the other vessels in this aspect, all Noah wanted was peace and to belong. Belong somewhere.

Noah looked at the cat. Did they belong here? They still weren't sure.

"I... it's not exactly a happy story." Noah said quietly.

III and IV looked at each other and then nodded up at Noah, to signal they were willing to listen.

Noah slid back their hood, exposing their ghostly white expressionless face, with the dark circles under their pale blue-green eyes, which indicated some sleepless nights. Their long wavy white hair ruffled from the friction of the fabric.

They glanced around the room, with III & IV looking expectedly at them, and the drummer II curled up in a corner of the room soundly asleep. After they made sure there weren’t more ears listening in, they started talking.

"Before I was Noah, I was... lost. I guess, I've been lost all my life really. No purpose, no ambition, nowhere to belong. I tried..." they said, their monotone voice quivered slightly. "I tried to fit in. I tried to give myself purpose but in the end, I gave up. I've found myself at the edge of an abandoned building. It was raining, thunder was roaring. I remember it spooked me so much, I almost slipped over the edge... This is what I wanted anyways but in that moment I was scared. I was prepared to die but... at the same time... I was scared to die. Isn't that funny?" Noah chuckled, forgetting to maintain their expressionless face.

III and IV’s eyes widened and they shared a concerned glance. They didn't seem to think it was funny.

"Well... I was cowering before the edge. I was soaked, I was cold, I was scared, I was screaming but all I heard was the thunder and the splashing of raindrops around me." Noah looked up at the sky. There was no rain. It was a clear starry night, the moon shining brightly down on them.

"As I was cowering there, I heard a voice. It was strange, I couldn't even hear my own screams but I could hear him crystal clear. Such a beautiful voice. He just stood there, holding an umbrella over my shivering body. I thought, what's an umbrella gonna do now, I was already soaked to the bones." They laughed in genuine amusement.

"I sat up and looked at him. He was just as soaked. His hood was stuck to his head, the rain washed away most of his body paint and his white mask looked like it was crying. It was such a bizarre sight."

IV chuckled at the thought of a completely soaked Vessel.

"I bet he looked like a sad wet cat!" III said and they all heard a snort from the corner where II was sleeping. Caught eavesdropping, the drummer sat up and the four of them shared a small laugh, before Noah continued.

"He offered me his hand and for some reason I took it. He dragged me into the building and we sat there in silence for I don't even know how long, until I heard him speaking." Noah pointed at the cat on their lap, still pretending to be asleep but Noah could see his ears twitching, listening to everything.

"He was speaking through Vessel and offered me what I desired the most and... I accepted. Giving away my name and identity seemed like a little price to pay. Not having to be myself, actually seemed like a welcome bonus to me."

"If you gave away your name, how come you’re called Noah now?" II asked.

Noah shrugged. "No idea. Vessel gave me that name… I don’t really know why."

"What did you desire most?" IV asked.

"I..." Noah said, immediately getting interrupted by squeaking hinges of a door being opened.

Vessel stood in the doorframe, looking around. "Did anyone see... Oh! Did I interrupt something?" He said, taking in the scenery.

"Noah is telling us how they became a vessel." III said.

They couldn't see it but Noah sensed that he furrowed his forehead. He pursed his lips, seeming to remember.

"You don't need to share." He said to Noah.

They shook their head. "It's ok." Vessel didn't seem to believe, it was ok. He crossed his arms and leaned against the doorframe.

"So... what I desired... I wanted peace and a place to belong. Now I'm at peace when I listen to Vessel... to all of you really." Noah felt a bit bashful to admit. They tried so hard to come off as reserved and independent but they loved to be surrounded by the other vessels and their beautiful melodies. Noahs facade started to crumble the more they talked. They were afraid of being a burden and to lose this peaceful existence.

Noah took a quick glance at Vessel, his face seemed to soften behind the mask.

They continued "I'm not sure if I belong here but... it feels the closest to home I've ever felt. I guess Sleep somehow has the ability to bring good people together." Noah saw how the cat smiled. Sleep might be a trickster and selfish, sometimes even cruel, but he had saved them. Vessel had saved them. They all had.

"Even if I serve you no purpose, I hope you continue to accept me."

Sleep stood up and took a big stretch. "Your purpose is very simple!" He said, his six glowing eyes glistening in amusement. "It's following and worshipping me, which you can only do alive!"

III and IV rolled their eyes.

Vessel stepped up to the windowsill and took one of Noahs hands. It was just as warm and comforting, as in the night, he had saved them.

"Your purpose is being alive!" He said to them and maybe also a little to himself.

III and IV also came closer "You always have a place to belong with us!"

Noah hasn't cried since that night but they just might, overwhelmed by the warmth of the people standing before them.

II heaved himself on the windowsill next to them and put a comforting hand on their shoulder. "You’re allowed to be yourself, you know? None of us ever bought your cool loner shtick anyways!"

Noah stared at him dumbfounded and they all burst out laughing.

A bit later everyone said their good nights and went to sleep. When everything was quiet Noah snuck out and sat down in a field of wildflowers behind the mansion. They looked up at the sky again, their face hurting from laughing so much.

"I knew I’d find you here, you insomniac!" Vessel sat down next to them.

"As if you are any better!" Noah rolled their eyes. Vessel put down his mask next to him and looked up at the sky too. "I like this authentic version of you better." He grinned.

Noah glanced at his side profile, his unmasked face a rare sight, even amongst themselves.

"Hey can I ask you something?" They said.

Vessel closed his eyes and sprawled himself out on the field. "Go ahead."

"Why Noah? Why not just vessel xy?" This question has been bugging them for a while.

Vessel remained quiet for a while and Noah thought he might be sleeping but then opened his eyes and asked "Do you know what Noah means?"

They shook their head.

"Well as with most things, there’s more than just one meaning but one of them is peace. I wanted to give you what you desired, your name is my promise to you."

Noah nodded slowly and hid their face from Vessel’s vision. They didn’t want him to see the stream of tears running down their face. But their shaking back and choked up sounds exposed them anyways.

Vessel didn’t say anything but he hummed a comforting melody until the tears eventually disappeared behind heavy lids and a welcoming darkness offered it’s embrace. Noah thought that their sad story eventually got a good ending after all. "This is not the end, it is just the beginning!" They heard Sleeps strange voice in their head, before their conscious dwindled away.

Dumb lil bonus:

The next morning Noah felt like they were chewed up and spit back out by some monster. Their bones hurt and their vision blurry behind swollen eyes.

The vessels were all sitting at the table eating breakfast together. Only Vessel and Noah were absentmindedly staring at their plates. The Espera ladies chuckled glancing at them and II was sighing in exasperation.

"What’s up with them?" III asked in confusion.

"These two idiots fell asleep outside on the field and…"

"ACHOO!" Vessels loud sneeze echoed through the dining room. IV looking in disbelief as snot landed on his plate.

"They’re sick!" II sighed.

[cutieln4]

His Loss | CL16 smau

charles leclerc x reader, carlos sainz x ex!reader

summary: when carlos and you broke up, everyone thought that was the last time you’d be in the paddock. they were wrong.

fc: various pinterest girls

a/n: no hate to carlos!! i just love this concept

f1wags

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f1wags Trouble in paradise for Carlos and his girlfriend, Y/n, who have been spotted arguing late last night

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username1 NOOOOOOOOO MY PARENTS

username2 i am a child of divorce

username3 ur joking😃

username4 WHAT DID HE DO TO MY WIFE???

username5 nah cause what did he do now

username6 they seem so toxic

username7 ikr as much as i love y/n…i kinda hope they break up

username8 she’s crying brooo😭

f1wags

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f1wags One week after Y/n and Carlos seemingly broke things off, Carlos is spotted with Y/n’s best friend. Any theories as to what happened?🧐

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username1 oh so he’s a cheating bastard😊

username2 always the best friend smh

username3 wow. i feel awful for y/n

username4 y/n deserves better

username5 i thought carlos was better than that

username6 yikes that is actually wild

yourusername

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yourusername little visit back home

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username1 we love you y/n!!

francisca.cgomes beautiful as always💞

yourusername that’s all you kika🫶

username2 charles in the likes??🤨🤨

username3 IKR I NOTICED THAT TOO

username4 WHAT IS GOING ON??

username5 you deserve better girl, that boy doesn’t matter anymore

username6 we’ll always support you!

username7 girl give us the tea what happened??

username8 shut up don’t be nosy

f1wags

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f1wags Carlos brings his girlfriend into the paddock for the first time for the Spanish GP!

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username1 😒😒

username2 BOOOO👎

username3 so it’s official then huh?

username4 must be awkward cause y/n is there for one of the sponsors…

username5 BRING BACK Y/N🙌

username6 nah she deserves better than carlos

username7 carlos better have some much regret

username8 he’s unemployed anyway while y/n is thriving🥱

username9 DAMNNNNN

username10 YOU ATTEEEEE

charles_leclerc

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charles_leclerc LET’S GOOOOO!!! Incredibly happy to get another win at Barcelona and thank you to the team for working so hard, we’ll push even harder to stay at the top❤️

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username1 there’s something so poetic about carlos’s teammate winning HIS home race while he dnfs

username2 WHO IS THAT???

username3 YOU CANT JUST DROP THAT PIC AND NOT SAY ANYTHING

username4 i have a theory but im not gonna say it

pierregasly Nice job, mate👏

username5 ummmm WHAT😃

username6 first of all, leo is such a cutie, second of all, what the fuck

username7 that should be me😣

username8 BABE WHAT ABOUT THE KIDS?? I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME!!!

username9 i wish i was this delulu

username10 so you actually can’t just do that

username11 you know who this looks like…🧐

username12 hear me out...nvm i'm not gonna say it

yourusername

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yourusername i look better in the driver’s seat anyway

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username1 BODY IS TEAA

username2 HOLYYY

francisca.cgomes loveeeeee😍

username3 MARRY ME PLEASE

username4 i just know carlos is gonna come crawling back

username5 so she just used carlos's money to buy a fancy car? good thing they broke up

username6 she actually owns her own company

username7 not the ferrari...

username8 gold digger

username9 DEFINITELY his loss

username10 now that you're finally single, will you go out with me??

username11 felt the aura 50 scrolls away

yourusername added to their story

View replies

username1 WHO IS THAT MAN

username2 flowers...interesting...

username3 you can't just post this picture and then go offline

francisca.cgomes 🤨

username4 too gorgeous to let another man hurt you

carlossainz55 wow

username5what a hoe

username6 already moving on huh?

username7 GIRL WHAT SPILL THE TEA

yourusername

Liked by charles_leclerc, oscarpiastri, and others

yourusername so what else is on the menu?

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username1 GIRLLLLL

username2 oscar💀

username3 he loves the carlos slander

username4 i live for the drama

username5 ME ME ME🙋‍♀️

username6 okay but WHO IS THAT????

username7 wouldn’t it be hilarious if she just dated one of carlos’s friends

username8 PLEASE I NEED THAT

username9 i need a reality tv show just about this whole situation

username10 i can tell he’s hot just by his outfit

charles_leclerc

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charles_leclerc your loss, my gain

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username1 sorry, WHAAATTTTTT????

username2 OHHHHH???

username3 how is carlos feeling now😂

yourusername my love💞

username4 best possible outcome

username5 ME N WHO???

pierregasly Congrats mate

username6 sleeping on the highway tonight🫡

username7 ik carlos is crying himself to sleep

username8 yikes it’s gonna be awkward for the rest of the year…

username9 so is she just gonna make her way around the whole paddock?

username10 brother euhhhh🥴

username11 i knew it🤷‍♀️

yourusername

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yourusername i’ve always liked ferraris

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username1 still in shock

username2 i just know he treats her right

username3 god when will it be my turn🙏🙏

oscarpiastri Congratulations!

yourusername thank you son🫶

username4 omg😭

charles_leclerc love you ma chérie❤️

username5 upgraded to a bf with a job🙌

username6 NAH THATS CRAZYY

username7 LMFAO

username8 so who’s next after charles?

username9 stfu

username10 they’re so cute

[spideysbruh]

chicago

a/n I MISSED MAKING THESEEE

liked by tchalamet, yourfriend and 3,188,773 others

y/n 💕

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tchalamet forever and ever

liked by y/n

y/n and always

shawnyn god WHEN

wonkaswhore if they ever break up I'll kms

tchalamet just posted a story!

~~~

@ceoofynandtim tweeted- it's kinda been a while since they posted each other huh... im scared. I MISS THIS ERAAA

@teddyyn replied- DONT EVEN THINK THATTT

@girlyyn replied- am I the only one thinking they're engaged? 🤭

@aliveyn replied to @girlyyn- but why aren't they posting each other at all!??!?!? it's v unlike them...

~~

@celebnews just tweeted- BREAKING ‼️‼️Timothée Chalamet and Y/n L/n have broken up. Verified by a close source, the pair have split after four years together.

@phasesyn replied- NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO💔💔💔💔💔💔💔😭😭😭😭😭

@wonkaswhore replied- love is dead.

@nightlyyn replied- no one touch me. my parents just got divorced

@ynxpaul replied- the way they spoke about each other... jesus how did this happen. never saw two people more in love.

@ronxyn replied- so we're all just believing this ?😭😭

@girlyyn replied- well. no reason to live now tbh

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y/n if it's real, then can you show me?

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pepperyn omg. that song.

yourfriend you're too gorgeous

rachelzegler MY PRETTY BEST FRIEND

sabrinacarpenter my shirt looks good on you

biyn LESBIANS !?!?!

dystopiayn girl they are friends 😩💀 sab has a bf!

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y/n trying to get in my horror era

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rachelzegler the horrors persist but so do we!!

y/n I love you

ynscurtains you're already a scream queen !!

harryynpot im literally a child of divorce omg

modernyn Timothée fumbled omg

chalsyn they both fumbled 💀💀

@celebnews just tweeted- Y/n L/n in a recent interview talking about her split from Timothée Chalamet: "We had a few months before the whole world knew, so I got to kind of heal and process everything in private without people looking at and analyzing my every move. Breakups are rough no matter what, whether or not you're public about it. There are days that feel worse than others, and.. it is because I really, truly, thought i was forever done with that whole dating portion of my life."

replies have been turned off

@tchalametupdates just tweeted- Timothée seen recently greeting fans! When asked about his and Y/ns breakup he responded with, "Some things you just have to get through by yourself. I'm glad that you're all sending me love and support, but I'll be okay!"

@timschal replied- CRYINGGG 😭😭

@laurieslaurence replied- bro he seemed so sad 😭😭

@ynsstan replied to @laurieslaurence- well he broke up with her so idk why he's so hurt 🙄

@steelyn replied to @ynsstan- omg didn't know that you were part of their relationship too... dumbass

@ynxtimmy replied- I still think they're soulmates like they're gonna get back together watch !!!

liked by florencepugh, sabrinacarpenter and 4,188,938 others

y/n took myself out for valentines day this year. it was actually quite romantic

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sabrinacarpenter beautiful girl

liked by y/n

rachelzegler we should've gone together

y/n next year 🤭

timmytimstan MAKE HIM REGRET IT

ynscurtains you're literally a timmy acc hello ? 😭😭

ynsheadphones kms cause their valentine posts were so cute

ynsshoes FRR their captions were always the cutest 😭😭💕

y/n just posted a story!

caption- single girl era 💕💕

@ynupdates just tweeted- While promoting her newest movie, Y/n was asked about Timothée, she expressed how she still has love for Timothée and doesn't hold anything against him. "He was the best person I've ever had the pleasure to love. I hold no negativity in my heart for him. Truly, I wish him nothing but the best forever and ever." She also went on to say that an Oscar win is definitely in his future.

@paulsyn replied- maybe they just need some time apart 💔💔💔💔

@lonesomeyn replied- 'forever and ever' KILL ME NOW

@ynscurtains replied- THEYRE SO NICE ABOUT EACH OTHER PLS LET THEM BE TOGETHERRRR

@ringsyn replied- I hope they stay friends 😭😭

~~~

*3 Years Later*

liked by florencepugh, tchalamet and 3,828,839 others

y/n and when im back in chicago 🎶

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timmyyn remember when timmy and her would go to chicago like once a month 😭😭💔💔💔

vampireyn girl let it go

ynsheadphones UHHH TIMMY LIKED !?!?!?!?!!?????

coolyn BITCH I AM UPPP OMGGG

happilyyn do NOT get my hopes up omg

rachelzegler no invite ??

liked by y/n

@celebnews just tweeted- BREAKING ‼️ Timothée Chalamet and Y/n L/n were recently seen getting close with one another in Chicago. Apparently they were trying to remain unnoticed when someone asked for a photo.

@horroryn replied- GOD IS REALLLL

@chappellyn replied- THEY LOOK SO CUTEEEE MY LOWKEY PARENTSSS

@timmytimstan replied- bro I've been waiting for this news omg 😭😭

@rhodeyn replied- they're like justin and hailey 2.0 omgg

@laurieslaurence replied- the way they're literally matching. they used to coordinate their outfits alll the time and they're doing it again 😭😭🫶🫶🫶🫶💕

@cutesyn replied- THE WAY SHES SITTING ON HIS LAP OH MY GODDD IM SO SINGLE

liked by tchalamet, melissabarrera and 4,188,838 others

y/n me when

view all 121,717 comments

ynslipgloss ARE THOSE NOT TIMOTHÉES FEET 😭😭😭

tchalamet I wish I could like this 200 times

liked by y/n

sabrinacarpenter pretty girl !!

liked by y/n

blankyn I bet timmy took these pics

ynsheadphones HIS COMMENT OH MY GODDD

florencepugh how are you so beautiful

y/n no way you're asking ME that 😭😭😭🫶

airyyn can yall just hard launch already 😩😭😭

y/n okay!

airyyn HELLO!??!!

slyyn WE'RE SO BACK

tchalamet just posted a story!

caption- falling... falling... fell

@celebnews just tweeted- Timothée Chalamet spoke about him and Y/n L/n for the first time in three years, in a recent interview. "I'll never forgive myself for being away from her for that long. She is the most exceptional, divine person I have ever known. Being without her, while I did learn and mature a lot, was torture."

@bookyn replied- how I like my men

@timmyandynstan replied- they had to be apart to come back together 😭😭😭💔💔

@halfbloodyn replied- i cant wait for all the content we'll get of them 😭😭🩷💕

liked by tchalamet, dylanminnette and 7,277,838 others

y/n please please please!!!!!

comments have been limited

tchalamet my beautiful girl

tchalamet who needs an oscar when i have you

sabrinacarpenter felt

liked by y/n, zendaya and 10,982,277 others

tchalamet Je t'aime de toute mon âme

view all 132,828 comments

y/n how are you so perfect

liked by tchalamet

timmysgf ugh I thought we were free of her

huffleyn stfu 🖕 fuck off!!!

sabsyn DONT EMBARASS HER, MOTHERFUCKER

floralyn 😭😭😭💀

paulsdunes he didn't even embarass her the first time 🙄

sabsyn omg just play along, it's a song lyric

y/n my darling boy

tieyn remember when they broke up and she was saying how she thought she was done dating and now look 😭😭 back together FOR GOOD THIS TIME

wallowsyn MY PARENTS ARE BACKK

*

[thelikesofus]

Buddie Fic Recs

REC LIST NUMBER 6! The theme is PINING if you couldn’t already tell. I haven’t done a lot of writing recently but I have done A LOT of reading so here are some of the lovely stories I have come across over the last few weeks. As always, please show these authors some love in their comments xx REMINDER TO CHECK THE TAGS AND TRIGGER WARNINGS

where our eyes are never closing by @rewritetheending | T | 6k

After the lightning strike, Buck asks Eddie to take candid photos of him to help prove to Buck that he still exists. Absolute PEAK Softness. Buck through Eddie's eyes! I was a mushy puddle by the end. 10/10 would recommend

put my heart inside your palms by @markofalover | T | 3k

An accidental pet name, a thoughtful dinner, and a shared shirt. Buddie are too domestic for my health and well-being! I want what they have!!

because we'll all arrive in heaven alive by @neverevan | E | 75k 

During a search and rescue, Eddie disappears without a trace, leaving Buck to grapple with the sudden possibility of a life without him AKA the Mudslide Missing!Eddie fic with pining for daaayyyyyyyzzzzzzz

Left Unsaid by C_M2 | M | 33k 

The discovery of a small facebook group full of tsunami survivors rocks station 118. This fic is amazing!! The perfect amount of pining angst, domestic feels and firefam love and goodness 💕💕

If I Should Fall by @elvensorceress | T | 23k

Buck thinks Tommy has died but it's actually Eddie. He is not dead but almost and they have to figure things out from there. This fic had me feeling like my heart has been gutted from my chest and dissected before my very eyes but it has the happy ending we all deserve. 

the distance to the stars by cloudydaisies | G | 27k

Eddie is the only one who doesn't realize he and Buck are dating 😭 This is a perfectly sweet and angsty miscommunication fic. 

the weekly bet (but the forever kind) by @theleftboobgrabber | E | 49k

The firehouse has a bet and Buck and Eddie work it in their favor. Once again Eddie pining for dayyyyzzzzzzzzzzz. (I’ve been on a Pining!Eddie kick recently). Perfect Buckley Diaz family feels. 

light me and i'll burn for you by @woodchoc-magnum | M | 31k

An old friend of Buck's joins the 118 and he kinda sucks. Eddie pines and falls down a hole (literally). Seriously though the pining and the angst in this fic is just delicious and with a happy ending to boot <3

The Aftermath of Liberation and Love Confessions by @elvensorceress | T | 17k

Eddie makes the love confession to end all love confessions while perfecting the balance between pining and not giving a f*ck. I love me a Jenwyn fic and this one is fabulous as always. 

love bites so deep and we've got tiger teeth by @usereddie | M | 10k

Rather than going to texas with his grandparents Christopher goes to stay with Buck for an extended sleepover and Eddie realizes he is incredibly in love with his best friend. Honestly I am OBSESSED!!! This is officially my season 7 ending <3

hearts on fire by @woodchoc-magnum | M | 65k

This is a canon divergence on Season 2 where Buck and Eddie almost get together but then Abby comes back and Eddie lets buck go and then regrets it while trying to be happy for him. The pining, the self-sabotage, honestly is all one big tasty meal and topped off with a happy ending and a side salad of the Shannon and Eddie friends/co-parents arc that they deserved!!

like a dog with a bird at your door by @shitouttabuck | E | 51k

Set post s6, Eddie is injured on a call and Buck moves in to help with his recovery whilst learning to navigate his feelings for his best friend and pining for the position Eddie’s girlfriend holds. honestly, I’m actually only halfway through reading this fic but OMG I’M ASDFFGGHJJKKL and I just already knew this would be making it onto the next rec list so I'm adding it to this one preemptively. 

[venelona]

Write My Report author notes

Today is one year since I first posted my Dazatsu fic 'Write My Report' (PM Dazai x PM Atsushi, Atsushi works as Dazai's secretary), so as I edit through all 100k+ words of it, I bring you author notes - include my favourite things about the chapters, thoughts behind some moments and fun (?) facts.

!SPOILERS FOR THE WHOLE FANFIC!

(fanfic quotes will be in italics, bold italics are just the words that were italics in the quote- it makes sense- i promise-)

Starting with, of course,

Chapter 1:

I think the whole premise of the fanfic was born by that one time Dazai asks Atsushi to write his report for him after Dazai returns from his mafia kidnapping. Second half of the plot with him helping Atsushi conceal his tiger ability was an excuse for them to hold hands every full moon. I thought it would be a shortcut to my beloved 'one bed' trope. And then it didn't shortcut shit because I slow burned the hell out of it

'Great - now he was alive and uncomfortably wet.'

"I… I- I can't believe I'm going to get fired because of a guy who wanted to drown himself over paperwork." - Sweet sweet irony 😌 You want Dazai to live, Atsushi? Get to paperwork then

I think the whole premise of the fanfic was born by that one time Dazai asks Atsushi to write his report for him after Dazai returns from his mafia kidnapping. Second half of the plot with him helping Atsushi conceal his tiger ability was an excuse for them to hold hands every full moon. I thought it would be a shortcut to my beloved 'one bed' trope. And then it didn't shortcut shit because I slow burned the hell out of it

'Great - now he was alive and uncomfortably wet.'

"I… I- I can't believe I'm going to get fired because of a guy who wanted to drown himself over paperwork." - Sweet sweet irony 😌 You want Dazai to live, Atsushi? Get to paperwork then

I never described Atsushi's waiter uniform but this is kind of how I imagined it looking. No I don't have explanations. Literally just 'the vision.'

I guess I never described Atsushi's secretary clothes, tho it's been referenced that he has a jacket. Its also drawn on the cover lol

'He briefly contemplated drowning himself, but he didn't want his last day to be so full of Chuuya, so he decided on another kind of drink tonight.'

Dazai mercelessly shooting the guy in the bar who saw Atsushi transform was one of the things that were supposed to back up that 'Dark Dazai' tag. And then I kinda forgot to make him do more evil things later on lol He kills more people but more off screen and I kinda fumbled that tag ngl

COOL FANART COOL FANART LOOK AT THE COOL FANART something made me hate that scene but then zinder came in and made me love it 😭💖💖💖

'"Ah, you're awake." A vaguely familiar voice called from the doorway.' They caught Atsushi trying to cross the boarder-

The section where Dazai explains Atsushi about how he's the tiger and offers the deal is the only section where one POV breaks and you can see the other, but I decided to keep it. It was written this way because I didn't plan on keeping their POVs very separate, but then they never broke again lol

"Close your mouth, Atsushi, I already saw plenty of your fangs today."

Atsushi never, for even one second, regretting helping Dazai and saying so to him every time 😭🙏

I love writing canon moments altered by whatever the premise of the fic is - in this case, PM Dazai and Atsushi. Canon parallels - Dazai blackmailing Atsushi into the job.

Never really described but Dazai's office is on the first floor in part of it where not a lot of people pass by. All executives have more proper offices but Dazai really just took a room he didn't need a lot of time to get to. That makes Atsushi's work a bit annoying because most mafia clerks work on other floors together and he alone gotta run back and forth

It probably shows but I know nothing of the ways of office paperworks

"Eh, you're doing fiiine." His employer waved from the couch. "You're doing a way better job than I ever did, Atsushi." "How?.." "You're looking at the papers." Dazai smirked. "That's more than I usually do."

Initially one big point of conflict was supposed to be that Dazai holds a very high position in the mafia, so the papers he handles is full of very valuable information. And the fact that he let Atsushi into all of that information gives Atsushi some degree of power in the mafia, but also makes him a target for others... and then this never really came up lol

I don't think this was ever outright stated but Dazai's apartment is on a very high floor - not last one, but still high up. Like, twenty or something. The whole building inhabited by mafia workers, but he's really the only big fish in it

"I can't just make something up! Besides, from the amount of complaining notes-" Atsushi pointed at the hefty pile of papers Dazai was sitting right next to. "People do read your reports." "Oh, you actually read these?" Dazai picked up a few papers from that stack. "I usually just throw them away." "It's not even all of them?!" "Oh, it's probably just from the last three days."

Dazai saying 'Chuuya probably wrote half of the complaints and that's why I am not reading them' is just an excuse. He's just too lazy to read them

Something about Chuuya being described as 'The hat man' is sending me

[Dazai and Chuuya] '"When was the last time I made a wrong decision, hm?" "I don't know, yesterday? In the morning? Five minutes ago?"'

'"Atsushi, you should visit more places." Dazai shook his head. "Do you even go anywhere on your days off?" "I don't have days off." Atsushi blinked at him. Dazai blinked back. "Really?" "You never told me I have any."' - Atsushi never even asking if he has off days for like two weeks 😭 He'd work without them too, that poor man. Dazai gave him Thursday off because that was the only day Dazai himself actually occupied his office before he hired Atsushi. Dazai was fine without an office (he'd find a place to laze around), but people were complaining that he's hard to find when someone wanted to talk to him, and so he told everyone he can be found on Thursdays. After he hired Atsushi he started spending like 50% more of his time in the office because when he wanted to laze around he was like 'might as well do it in the office, I can occupy the couch, I am not alone and people will shout at me less and even praise me for being at work)

'Atsushi shook his head again. He needed to distract himself. "So… that was Akutagawa, huh?" That was probably the worst topic he could've picked for a distraction, but anxiety hasn't let him think of any other at the moment.'

Never elaborated on but in this story other executives have a lot of people that are under their command specifically. Dazai still orders people around and gives them work and stuff, but the only person he hired himself before Atsushi was Akutagawa. So that's why Atsushi is kind of treated like a big deal by other mafia members. Also half the reason why Akutagawa was angry at his existence

Dazai telling Atsushi 'I think you and Akutagawa would work great together' was a nod to New Double Black. He was still envisioning it in his mind even though Atsushi was working as his secretary and didn't use his ability at all, but later on when he started caring for Atsushi he kind of waved that idea off because he didn't want Atsushi using his ability at all

'"Atsushi, I didn't give you a day off today so you could spend it calling me at eight in the morning."'

If you're wandering why I always juggle how I call Dazai (the brunet/the mafioso/the bandaged man) and others is because in school during language lessons one lesson that stuck to me was that you can't use the same word in two sentences in a row, or it'll sound bad. So half my writing comes from me trying to juggle the same words back and forth. h e l p

Never described but I like to imagine that Dazai got panorama windows in his living room. I never stated this because I don't think he would - something like that would up the chances of his enemies finding where he lives and Dazai wouldn't bother risking that. But... that's what my cinematic imagination wants

'"If you planned on holding hands all night, I regret to inform you that I have no habits of flirting with men."' - canon parallel + THAT WAS THE PREMISE OF THE FIC AND I BARELY DID IT 😭😭😭

'"Or you wanted to watch me sleep the whole night? I didn't think you were such a pervert, Atsushi."' - a set up for a joke in chapter 6. Yes. I thought of that stupid joke this far back.

'And, he supposed, watching Atsushi struggle with the paperwork made it a teensy bit more enjoyable to do. By which he meant it was still a nightmare and he'd rather throw himself off this very building than work on it, but still. A little bit more enjoyable.'

I got SO many comments on SO many chapters about 'when Atsushi will tell Dazai about his tragic past'. Either they missed the 'Probably had to do with that orphanage he talked about earlier, but Dazai didn't care for sob stories about the past.' line, or wanted something more- Dazai KNEW, he connected the dots, he just didn't care back then

Dazai was supposed not to care for Atsushi in these earlier stages but I kind of fumbled it and made him too caring a bit too quickly but. Whatever can you do.

[konniesreality]

Hey Konnie 💕 Yesterday I entered the void for the first time in my first ever try! Your void challenge post inspired me so much, thanks a lot 🫶🏼

PSA: I know i'm lucky for having entered the void so easily, if anyone is struggling to enter the void don't get discouraged 🙏🏻 entering the void is easy and it's worth it, so KEEP PERSISTING 💕 but please, keep in mind that I may have some advantages hence why I was able to enter the void so easily (to keep it short, I'm familiar with meditation since I was raised as a buddhist by a buddhist mom, and in Buddhism we have a kinda similar concept called "sunyata" which I studied!)

Here's the list of all the things I manifested:

▪︎I revised a lot of trauma - I can't recall because it simply never ever happened, sorry!

▪︎ An older brother - As an only child I always wanted an older brother/sister because I usually felt lonely, and now I spent all my day looking at our childhood pictures 💖

▪︎ My desired body with my desired weight - they said that type of body wasn't possible weighting 100 lbs... well, that's not how it is in my reality lol

▪︎ My desired face - my face claim was a famous tiktoker and tbh I didn't want people to compare me to her (she's not a good person) so I just shifted to a reality where she isn't famous.

▪︎ Revised never meeting my ex - I don't want to give details but I feel so relieved!

▪︎ Revised my bodycount - I always regretted losing my V card at such a young age, now i'll wait for a right person 💖

▪︎My desired username on twitter - It was my dream username but I was already taken 😭

And that's all for the moment 💕 thank you so much 💗

THATS FREAKING AMAZING! IM SO GLAD MY CHALLENGE HELPED! Ily!!

[cyybrzz]

To anyone who sees this and isn't a bot...

i need a bunch of feedback on a bunch of different topics so advice or opinions from anyone is accepted and appreciated!! i'm not new to tumblr, i'm just new to POSTING on here so to anyone with an aesthetic blog please give me wisdom 🙏

🔮 in search of mutuals!

ever since i've downloaded the app i've never posted or commented, i've always just kinda been l i n g e r i n g everywhere, reading, and going under the radar. but now that i want to start reaching out and socializing i want some mutuals to chat with and maybe even to help review/edit my writing works if i do any!! if you want to get to know me here's some basics on me:

-i'm latina <3

-unlabeled if that matters

-i tend not to get too much into 'politics' unless we're talking violations of basic human rights (cough cough palestine) and i don't care what you believe, as long as you respect my beliefs we're all good!!

-some shows i like are jane the virgin, the 100, criminal minds, and a bunch more but im leaving things to just 3 to keep it short

-i tend to like really niche things sometimes like escape the night or randomly doing research on medieval torture mechanisms so if you're like me join my little club (aka our potential friendship)

-i have a really open sense of humor and find a lot of things funny + i have a bunch of twitter memes saved in my camera roll bc those are the funniest things ever

-i love princess and the frog, tangled, and horror movies

-i love reading! romance, thriller, horror, i love it

-i'm an athlete and do/have done multiple sports

-i play the cello!! her name is cherry ♥️

-i love using emoticons :)

-i love bruno mars, mitski, gaga, LMFAO, and a some older niche spanish singers nobody knows 😭

-i try out a bunch of different fashion aesthetics but i think my top 3 are y2k street wear, classy/business casual, and homeless LMAOO

🔮 i need a theme!!

I still have no idea what i want to do with my blog and need some ideas/tips for my theme! i'd prefer not to make it fandom based though; i love this weirdcore thing i have going on but idk how to make it work and i can’t really find dividers and pictures/banners that fit this theme + i also love the city party type vibe but also cute themes or colored themes or earthy themes... i'm open to literally anything so if you have any sources or templates or any ideas that might help PLEASE lmk!! i also don't know how anything works- i don't even know if my first divider is actually a png or if i look stupid right now LMAOOOOO

🔮 i have a writing dilemma...?

i've been wanting to write a fanfic for a WHILE now, like an actual story that's so long it'd have to be put on like wattpad or something that's not meant for shorter stories. HOWEVER i am petrified that i won't be good at it and would want to test out the waters by potentially writing blurbs/oneshots for some fandoms once i figure this whole writing thing out??? so if you want to send in a request with a 50% chance of getting decent writing and another 50% of regretting ever trying to talk to me go ahead!! (please.)

🔮hi tumblr!!

so... i think that's it! i think that's everything i had to address, if you've made it this far, thank you for reading my very first tumblr post! didn't mean to talk this much but i feel like i needed to get this out there and connect with new people because i already have mutual crushes on so many people if that makes any sense, toodles!! now enjoy my pathetic attempt at writing hashtags

[bean-in-dice]

WIP meme

Thanks for tagging me @thelaithlyworm !

Rules: make a new post with the names of all the files in your WIP folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. let people send you an ask with the title that most intrigues them, and then post a little snippet or tell them something about it! and then tag as many people as you have WIPs.

(Hope I'm doing this correct lol

Also, i usually name things after Im done writing, so none of these have names as they are wips)

1. A Bai Jintang and Gongsun Ce fic (for SCI: The Mystery Novel). I think I meant to name this something like "Blood, Glass and Bone Ashes"

With introspective GSC pov, where I analyse their horrific relationship start, and what continuing meant for both of them, and where they stand now. Though I HATED them in the first few books, by book 4 they had unexpectedly grown on me and I wanted to do something about that, but to my regret I only wrote like 500 words at the time and postponed it till I've read all of SCI, but by book 5 I kinda started losing interest on the series therefore I keep pushing this Wip to the back shelf. Sorry, fic. Maybe one day I'll get back to you🫠

2. Baby Pangzi fic

Probably will never happen because I wrote a baby Xiaoge fic and included all the best baby shenanigans in it already. Dui bu qi, Pangzi! Ive done you great injustice 😭

3. A Heixie fic that acknowledges Pingxie, Huaxie, Pangxie, Heiping and Heihua all at the same time.

Will probably finish this, it kinda feels all over the place but this is a headcanon so dear to me so I will try my best to brush it up.

4. A One Million Yen Girl (jmovie) au for Zhang Qiling

I've written like 1/8 of this, I really want to write it but I feel like it's beyond my abilities and it stopped being fun. There was this aloof and extremely introvert atmosphere in the Japanese movie but that's what... uh, handwaves....the Jmovie vibes tends to be like sometimes but that's so not the C-story vibe, not even in the most thought provoking, languid and quiet Cmovie/Cdrama, and I thought I could make it work because Zhang Qiling is aloof himself but the more I write the more I feel like this only looks appealing on visual media not when you write it.

OR it's not actually as bad as I think but because I already have this exact image in my head, inability to achieve it makes me more dissapointed. One needs to be careful when they adapt a story from one culture to another that is quite different from the first one, and if you are feeling awkward you better stop. Some things only work in your head and not on paper.

Now for the tagging

Hmm

I don't know a lot of dmbj people on tumblr huhu. @missfangirll @mekare-art @epicwalrus if you will? 🙈

Oh well, I realise I've left nothing for anyone to ask about anw, I've already provided descriptions. Should I remove them, then? Nvm 😂

[mouwrites]

Hi omg I loved your hcs so much it was so cute 😭😭 idk if u do platonic asks but if so can I request Craig & Tweek finding out their close friend (f!reader) has a secret + famous tiktok account with fanart of them??? No worries if u don’t!!

EEK sorry this took so long lovely! I'm still figuring out how to write South Park characters heheh ^^" so sorry if it's a lil ooc

also thank you for your sweet words!! You’re too kind!

Word count: 816

South Park - Craig & Tweek Finding Out About Your Secret Art TikTok

You hummed along quietly to the music playing in your ears, masterfully adding details to the sketch you were working on. You were enjoying the warmer weather while it lasted; though, living in South Park, that wasn’t saying much. Any non-resident would deem the weather to be too chilly to be outside already, but you knew it was going to get much colder when fall finally set in. So, there you were, out on a park bench, sketching merrily, barely noticing the way the breeze nipped at your nose.

“Speak of the devil.” 

“Devil?!”

Two familiar voices sounded from somewhere behind you. Startled, you clapped your sketchbook shut with a yelp. You had recognized the voices instantly. They were the exact people you absolutely did not need to run into right now.

Plastering on a nervous smile, you turned around slowly. Sure enough, there stood your best friends Craig and Tweek. Craig had his phone out, and judging from how close the two were standing, they had both been looking at whatever was on it.

“Hey guys. Enjoying the weather?” You began nervously as they approached your bench.

Craig had a mischievous grin as he plopped down beside you. “I guess. Pretty cold, though. Wish I was at home, snuggled up like this.” He turned his phone so you could see it. 

To your horror, art from your tiktok was on the screen. It was a doodle you did not too long ago of Craig and Tweek cuddling. At the time you were proud of it, but now you buried your face in your hands to hide your embarrassment.

“What’s wrong?!” Tweek fretted. “Craig, you’ve upset them!”

“No, no,” you reassured him. “It’s just… you guys weren’t supposed to know about that.” Your face was so hot that you could no longer feel the cold at all.

“With the numbers you’re pulling? Honestly I’m surprised we didn’t find out sooner.”

You had sort of liked having such a large following, but it seemed that your blessing had become a curse. Feeling shameful and regretful, you pulled out your phone. “I’m sorry, guys. I really am. I’ll take the posts with you in them down. I know it’s super creepy and—”

“Hold on,” Craig grabbed your arm, stopping you before you even unlocked your phone. “It’s not creepy; you’re our friend. The only thing that’s creepy is that you kept it a secret.”

“Yeah! Why did you keep this from us? Did you think we—ack—wouldn’t like it?”

“...don’t you?” You stared at them both with a befuddled expression. 

“Are you kidding? Your art style is really good. Plus, you make us look… cute… together.” Craig glanced at Tweek, giving his boyfriend’s hand a squeeze.

“So… you’re not mad?”

“I’m mad that you kept this from us!” Tweek flashed a smile. “We’ve totally been missing out!”

Craig nodded. “We’ll be looking forward to seeing more of your art. Not just of us, of course.”

You breathed a heavy sigh of relief, slouching on the bench. “I was afraid you’d be mad. I mean, I was kinda drawing you without your permission.”

“I reiterate: you’re our friend. We don’t mind.”

“So, just to be clear, it’s cool if I keep drawing you guys?”

“Of course. We’re looking forward to it.”

You couldn't help but sigh again. You smiled to yourself, overjoyed to have your friends' support, especially when you had been expecting quite the opposite.

“Say, isn’t that your sketchbook?” Tweek jabbed a finger towards the book in your lap.

You perked up, remembering what you had been drawing. “Oh! It is! Do you guys want to see what I was drawing?”

You opened it up to the page you had been working on. “You guys get to see it before the rest of my followers.” 

Little smiles graced your friends’ faces as they examined the work. It wasn’t finished, but it was a sketch of them both sitting on a park bench, Tweek’s head on Craig’s shoulder and their fingers intertwined atop Tweek’s knee.

“Here, Tweek, put your head like that,” Craig gestured to the page, and Tweek stiffly planted his head on Craig’s shoulder.

You giggled as they attempted to mirror their pose in the drawing. “Perfect,” you said, positioning yourself to resume drawing. “Stay just like that; I’m turning this into a still-life piece.”

When you finished, you showed your muses. Tweek’s mouth dropped open in awe. “You’re such a good artist!” He gushed, ripping the sketchbook from your hand and putting the drawing inches away from his face. While he was absorbed in admiring your work, Craig looked away somewhat bashfully.

“Do you think we could do this more often? Pose for you, I mean.”

“To give you an excuse to be cute with your boyfriend?” You teased. Then, more seriously, you told him that there was nothing you’d love more.

Unfortunately your followers didn’t enjoy the realistic piece as much as your stylized art, but to you it was the most beautiful drawing you’d done in a long time.

Thank you anon for the request! And thank you for reading! <3

(divider by saradika)

[liauditore]

Thought I might say hello and make some small talk, seeing that I'm camping on your trafficshipping tag and all.

Well hi! Lovely place you've got here. Fantastic art, GREAT vibes, very nice. I'm specially enjoying your character rambling; your takes on them are super interesting and they tickle my brain 👀

May I send Divorce Fource/Quartet and Majorwood for the shipping bingo? Divorce Fource were a right mess (affectionate <3) and a perfect one at that, but I can't help but wonder how the recipe would have turned out if the soul ties were Cleo-Pearl, Martyn-Scott.

Also there is so much potential in Limlife Majorwood for eroguro if you're nasty. Which I am. Time cannibalism, respawning mechanics, birthday time... blender go brrrr 👀

!!!!!!!

y'all are really enabling my habit of long ass posts huh 😭😭

OK SO first off thankyou so much?? thats so sweet?????? 😭😭 i really don't think my character ramblings are anything special, but i like reading other ppls insane takes so i thought i'd provide others with the same 👍

not to get too into it but i feel like a series like life smp is best enjoyed with your own crazy delulu takes (similar to touhou if anyone heres familiar w/ that fandom). and it makes me kinda sad to see ppl arguing abt whats 'canon' or 'correct' cus that's no fun lol

ANYWAY yeah uh im glad u like the vibes!! :J

TREEBARK

this one first cus chronology. I honestly don't know if there's anything I can say here that hasn't been said before? But yeah they're. tasty. something about martyn waiting the entirety of third life to betray ren and never getting the chance and now longing to have him back. lots of regret but regret. for what. yknow. and ren always looking out for martyn even from a distance. and then martyn losing that connection in limlife.

yeah i can see why people ship lmao

uhh i don't really know what else to write here so have some of my insane ramblings copy+pasted from my shipping doc 👍

Martyn fancies himself a schemer, someone who's not afraid to play the game the way it's intended. If that means earning a powerful ally's trust only to shatter it then he was going to do it. Only, Martyn's bark is worse than his bite, and every night he spends in lying awake in those soft, warm sheets that Ren had laid out just for him (freshly washed too, he might add. Smelled like sunshine) he wonders if he can do it. He can, of course. (he can't. he won't. he's too soft. soft and useless.) He'd cut his head off already. (he wants to vomit) (this is why no one needs you. wants you. loves you) Who cares about other people anyway? He is the only one who really matters. (the thought of being alone makes him want to cry) Ren, on the other hand, is a capable leader. The definition of loyal and dependable, if not a bit dramatic. He struggles with self-worth, being good enough, useful enough, powerful enough. But to others, he's the opposite, caring and protective of any who would ask for his aid. After all, every citizen deserves to live in safety and comfort, and providing that is what a good King would do. ~ Martyn's not as sneaky as he thinks he is. Ren knows. Ren sees the signs. It's a death game for a reason. But he doesn't let Martyn know. He doesn't even hold it against him. He doesn't see the bloodthirst anymore, only the broken pieces lying underneath. ~ or the King's Hand, it was the thrill of feeling Useful, Powerful, Feared (loved). He was going to miss it after he betrayed him, the high of bloodlust, the smell in the air as he charged into battle. (the way his hands held him so gently) For the King himself, deep down he knew it was never to be. He had met a monster, but he hoped his efforts calmed the storm ever so slightly. On some days, he pretends to forget about the death game entirely and imagines the speech he'd give to retire his Hand. "You don't have to fight anymore," he'd say, "I'll take care of you from now on, I promise. So put the sword down, okay?" But in the end, it was all a fantasy, wasn't it?

^ yes this is so cheesy but so are they.

Cry with me again Smile with me again Scream with me again Sing with me again Dance with me again Talk to me again…

"Lower One's Eyes" (Oktavia translyrics)

MAJORWOOD

I think.. I talk too much abt scott seeing as that's who everyone points out when it comes to my headcanons 😭😭 but uh i swear everyone else is just as messed up. and martyn is like. just as bad if not worse (if that wasn't made clear from my ramblings before)

anyway uh say it with me rebound 👏 relationship 👏

i think they're both.. very numb to it all once limlife rolls around. they're just tired and have this mutual understanding and both think they're horrible people. martyn just wants to play the game. scott doesn't even know what he wants anymore.

but ofc, they're both still human and want love and comfort, so they try to seek that from one another. even if it's fake. even if it doesn't matter in the end.

Baby, though I've closed my eyes I know who you pretend I am I know who you pretend I am

Washing Machine Heart (Mitski)

We’re the Delusioned Victim Cash-in Union Praise to the “love” that will bring salvation!  Two fools singing to a shallow melody Restart, reflation, teleportation Time and again we’re stuck in rotation Circles inside a love without any ending

MKDR (SirHamnet Lyrics)

Scott uses Martyn as a replacement for Jimmy and Martyn uses Scott as a replacement for Ren. they know they dislike eachother (see: all of double life) and that only one of them will make it out alive. but they can't get that love and comfort from anyone else now.

also uhhh eroguro my beloved...... im assuming this is getting brought up cus of my mentions of loving eroguro in the past. and yes to all of that very much i agree. but i do have kind of.. a limit to what i do w/ these characters specifically because of the fandom/ccs (at least publicly). if i ever do decide to share the nastier stuff in my head or go into detail on gore and whatnot i'd probs make a sideblog and tuck it away and maybe block scott and martyn for always somehow showing up on my posts lmao

[johnbassplayercutie]

okay, so I fr messed up and went to autographs at the 5 pm instead of 10 am & regret it bc a lot of people at 10 am got special messages on their autos while later on we had to rush through due to timing and poor hayden had to basically speed-run autographs within a few hours which I was a bit bummed about. although i'm super grateful that hayden took the extra time to finish signing everything for us at like 9 pm <333 also he's so freakin' sweet like I can't even BEGIN to start saying it. when i met him for the photo op I was watching him with other people ahead of me and was already freaking out but when it was my turn i was sooo happy i just ran right up to him and hugged him and he was already ready for it 😭😭🥹

AND WHEN I TELL U he smelled so good like I can't even remember the specific scent or cologne since the photo ops were rushed but OMG HE SMELLS GOOD LMAO and then while hugging him the first time i said "hiii!!" and asked him how he was and that it was so nice to meet him. we hugged for a few seconds and he pulled away a bit but had his arm around me and he said he was doing good n then i was freaking out inside cuz when he talked his voice was SO DEEP like i wasn't expecting it and his voice would just rumble in his chest like I could feel it when he spoke i can't even explain it 🤣 he was a bit taller than me but i had to look up at him and when I tell you THIS MAN WAS LOOKING DOWN AT ME AND SMILING SO MUCH AND JUST LOOKING INTO MY EYES LIKE 😁🥹🤗 I was melting inside and i asked him if it's okay if we do a hug for the picture and he said "of course" in a tone that was giving 'why wouldn't we hug of course we can!' i was legit screaming inside w joy when he seemed so happy to do a hug for the 2nd time and he kept smiling so much at me like if u guys saw the pics of him at the panel with the bracelets and him just grinning sm that WAS HIM when i talked to him at the photo op.

he also hugs so good you just melt into it and it's so comforting. we went to hug again for the pose then when I pulled away he had his hand on my shoulder then my middle back and i faced him a bit and said it's so nice meeting you thank you so much and he said you too & of course! and smiled a wide smile, right while looking down at me into my eyes LIKE OMG THIS MANS SMILESSSS 🥵😳🥺🥺😵‍💫 and he was holding me so close to him like he didn't wanna let me go while saying of course, it was like he was so grateful i was there with him and then i began walking away and smiled and he just kept grinning like CRAZYYYY 😭😭

ALSOOO this poor man only had a lunch break and another quick break 😭😭 tysm hayden <333 despite the problems today I had SO much fun and I'm so happy I got to meet hayden he's so sweet and he really cares about the fans and even remembers those who see him multiple times <3

also i got my picture signed by him but i'll post abt that separately cuz it was kinda quick and my dad tried to sneak a picture of him signing mine but the staff were getting upset at people with their phones out

[jichanxo]

senseific update ⭐

am gonna talk about senseific and my writing goal last month, so this is a long post ↓

my goal last month was to add 5,000-10,000 words to my senseific wip, and at 12:05am on the first day of the next month, i made it to 10,000 words 😭🙏 so stoked!! i made some serious tangible progress. for once. lol

it's currently at 45k words. i'm not sure exactly how much i added, since i deleted some of my placeholder writing and that cut into the word count as i worked, so realistically i added a bit more than 10,000, though i have no idea how much. either way, i made it!

i got a first pass done of all the dance club stuff, which is... the writing equivalent of me Eating My Veggies. it's not always the most fun (especially covering things that happened in canon) but it's necessary. feels like i've been stuck there forever, and now i can move onto other things... until of course i have to proofread it, but shhh...

robotics and boxing are next, i think. still very lost when i think about the biker stuff 😭 i did end up mentioning the skateboarding in passing, but i don't think i'll do much with that since the plot is so short. (i guess shikishima will turn up at the finale anyway?)

anyhow that still means there's a whole lot to do, and i need to keep doing my notetaking on the clubs 😔 back to the mines...

since i added so many words to chapter 3 (since i finally filled out the conclusion to the dance club plot) i had to change where i split chapters 3/4!

currently things look like this:

chapter 1: 7,011 words (this one needs minor adjustments when i sort out my shit with robotics club)

chapter 2: 6,895 words (i have a spot marked to add a robotics club scene)

chapter 3: 9,990 words (The Dance Club Conclusion. so she's fucking Big. after i take a break i'll need to give it a second pass)

just from looking at the word counts of these chapters you can see why getting 10,000 words done was a big deal for me... got a big chunk done...

chapter 4 got a new title and i shoved a few of the end scenes of chp3 at the start of this one instead. after that is an unfinished boxing scene, then some kitakata related plot to look at, so those are probably the next things i'll aim to get done.

chapter 4's currently called "talk too much", since the scene of kitakata saying something stupid to yagami got moved here instead of chapter 3. and also uh. gossip gets brought up. usually i need to think a lot for titles but this immediately felt right for once.

speaking of titles though, right now i'm unsure about senseific's title. again. but i have no alternative so i'll just have to keep thinking about it. maybe i need to ask around for opinions... it's not an urgent issue so maybe i'll stop worrying so much.

anyway it was kinda funny writing kitakata and yagami sorta getting along with the full knowledge that kitakata is going to ruin it all in an already written later scene 💀 don't give kitakata too much credit yagami, he's going to make you regret it later lmao

anyway i think that's everything. i wrote this text wall at 1am (though i will post it at a normal time)

[egoistars]

🍓🌹❗for both and 🥀❤️💔🥩 for mayumi :333

(can u tell i really like mayumi)

MAYUMI MY GIRL!!!!!!! i love her sm she's a horrible person but idc 🔥

info under the cut

🍓 (strawberry) - Does your oc believe in anything? Are they superstitious? Religious? Atheistic? Has anything in their past made them this way?

already answered this one in the previous post!!

🌹 (rose) - What does your oc find attractive in other people? Are these traits found in their friends and/or romantic partners? Are they found in themselves?

mayumi's standards are LOWWW she'll fold for any girl but she doesn't fall in love easily. her kind of pining is staring at a girl from afar and giggling over scenarios at home (she needs to stay mysterious and nonchalant). she skips from crush to crush really fast though, a new one maybe every other week but she's got a thing going on with yuu that's been pretty steady

ryuji is an unapologetic gold digger LMFAO ever since the u20 match he's had his eye on isagi and hits on him every chance he gets (he's atrocious at flirting and isagi thinks ryuji is just fucking with him and it pisses him off). his feelings for isagi started because he saw isagis potential and exponential growth in the sport and from that MONEY!!! FAME!!! if he sees an opportunity to exploit, he'll jump for it cuz he's trying to do anything to get validation and also out of his life

❗️(exclamation point) - What was the scariest moment of your character’s life? Does it still affect them?

for mayumi it's when when her mom got hospitalized after her dad beat her. she was used to her parents always arguing and both of their explosive tempers but that time they got physical. after that she was left kinda jaded and cuz violence was all she knew, she flipped out on her schoolmates and ended up getting expelled her second year.

i'd say the most defining moment of his life is when he got alcohol poisoning and had a nearly fatal overdose of synthetic drugs one night, leaving him in several thousands of yen in debt because of medical bills in a city he doesn't live in. his family is already poor so that was a huge punch in the face about his lifestyle and living situation. also he used diapers until 13 and he lives in constant fear about that secret coming out

MAYUMI ONLY SECTION:

🥀 (wilted flower) - How does your character deal with stressful situations? Is their fear response fight, flight, freeze or fawn?

mayumi has horrendous coping mechanisms and immediately goes for fight. she's on edge like 24/7 and is 5 secs away from jumping everyone #angerissues

❤️ (heart) - Who is the most important person to your character? To what lengths would they go to protect this person?

MAYUU YURI!!!! mayumi honestly only cares about yuu and feels kinda bad because she sees herself as a horrible influence on yuu. she'd do anything for yuu but is also scared that one day she'll blow up on yuu and fuck up their relationship, leaving her alone

💔 (broken heart) - Who has your character hurt most? Physically or emotionally? How did it feel? Do they regret it?

i'm gonna be fr she's probably hurt everyone in her life bc that's all she knows of relationships. she's thought about getting physical but she can't hold her own in a fight like... at all.... so it's mainly emotional abusing others until she got expelled and that's when she was like "huh.... maybe i should .... not 😱 " and got sent to intensive therapy for half a year so yuu is her #1 #icon

🥩 (steak) - Does your oc have any coping mechanisms? Healthy or unhealthy?

her previous coping mechanism was severely bullying everyone in her vicinity but ever since she got out of therapy, she's been trying to manage her temper. she's still on edge 24/7 and a literal bomb so she turned to self harm and punishing herself #ROFL i was gonna include it in my scene!mayumi art but i thought it was too much so i cropped it out 😭

[moonlightdarlings]

empty walls | gunwook

a/n: i'm kinda in a sad mood, so here's heartbroken gunwook. 😭 this is based on real events in my love life that made me cry for days. dw i made this one end better than the real version!! btw i'm not sure this is that good but i have to practice writing lmao

warnings: not proofread, slight angst, lowercase intended

tonight was your 1st anniversary with gunwook. you prepared a special dinner at a fancy restaurant for the both of you, and a cute letter for him. you were so in love with gunwook, and sometimes you'd joke about how you're soulmates.

"gunwook-ah, are you ready for dinner?" you called from downstairs, adjusting your curled hair so it sits nicely on your shoulders.

"yeah! i'll be right there." gunwook happily replied, rushing down the stairs to see you. his eyes widened at how stunning you looked in dark green. "you look beautiful," he whispers in your ear, before kissing your cheek and grabbing your purse.

----

for a night that started so well, you were starting to get disappointed with gunwook's attitude. every other dinner, he would be smiling at you and very unwilling to take his eyes off you. tonight, however, he was still smiling, but there was something else. sadness? longing? you couldn't quite place it.

"gunwook? what's wrong?" you ask worriedly. his eyes shift towards his phone, then to you, back to his phone.

"y/n, i have to say something." he starts, "i don't think you put a lot of effort into our relationship."

you scoff, thinking about how ridiculous it sounds since you plan all of the dates and you write a lot of love letters to him.

"oh." your words betray you as you wanted to ask if the love letters meant anything. you felt hurt by his words, confused because you thought you were a good s/o. you were his soulmate. his other half. you were supposed to go through thick and thin together.

"i don't feel any happiness or butterflies when i see you anymore."

your heart breaks into a million tiny pieces. tears threatening to fall. how could he say that? your relationship began like a fairytale and ended like a nightmare. you stare him in the eyes, "let's break up. tell me that you never loved me. take back all the loving words you said."

"okay." gunwook says, not a hint of sadness or regret. how could he be so okay? you were each other's first loves. high school sweethearts.

you stand up, not wanting to look gunwook in the eyes. a part of you wanted to run and fix it all, but another part of you knew it was already over. you wanted to scream at the world because how can the love of your life be okay? you wanted him to fight for your relationship, but he didn't. you cried remembering all the dates you went on and the smiles you shared. was it worth it all? he knew your deepest secrets and promised to be with you forever? was it all a lie?when he said you were perfect and told you he was going to propose in a few years, was that all just words? when he wished upon the stars that you'd be his always, were those just words again?

----

gunwook wished he hadn't said that, especially on such an important day. he lost you, and he knew that you weren't coming back. if he got a chance to do it all over, he'd swear to love you properly this time. he lied about you not bringing happiness. every time you post on Instagram, he sees your smile and feels that familiar warmth you used to greet him with. his friends yelled at him for saying such words to you because even they knew that you were an angel. all you ever did to gunwook was treat him with love and understanding.

it was just right person, wrong time.

[causenessus]

HELLOOO GOOD AFTERNOON!! how are you doing <3 i already told u ab what happened at my school today but MORE HAPPENED. i was walking out to my friend's car since it was the end of the day and we were gonna drive back to our apt BUT BRO???? ness idefk what happened but a car bumped into me im not even joking 💔 like bumped me from behind and made me fall over. like how does that even happen omf 💔 not demure, nor mindful. BUT IM PERFECTLY FINE DONT WORRY!! i just scraped up my palms and my arms a liiiittle bit 🙂‍↕️ so i hate parking lots that was not cute at all

I SAW YOU AND MANGO ANON TALKING ABOUT ZODIACS A LITTLE BIT ONE TIME WHEN U ANSWERED THEIR ASK AND WAS LIKE OH!! NOW IM CURIOUS!! like im really not big on astrology i only know that im an aquarius thats all ive got! but i was searching up like what certain signs' relationships look like? i guess? or like compatibility? one of my friends are a cancer AND I KEPT SEEING THAT THEYRE THE LEAST COMPATIBLE W AQUARIUSES? (is that the right plural of it? aquarians? idk whatever) so like i had a revelation and i remembered you were a cancer so i was lowkey disappointed with all of the zodiac compatibility stuff i was seeing online 😞 ALSO I SAW THAT MANGO ANON GOT A BURNER!! (i mean like i saw through your post i didnt find their blog LMAOAOA) is this the end of an era?? if it is im gonna miss seeing their asks and your responses on my dash aaaaadbsjk they are so cute!!

ANYWAY lately ive been really pondering (i feel like this word is funny to me) what an ideal friend looks like to me because someone at school asked me that😭 i feel like the first people that came to mind were you and mango anon!!! i keep mentioning them SORRY i just adore how sweet they are omf 💔 why am i telling you this? idk! but i feel like in terms of friendships i seek out people like you!! i cant really describe the traits SPECIFICALLY but i feel like you're a super good friend ‼️ i was also curious what an ideal friend looks like to you though! cause i feel like people always look for specific traits or have traits that theyre naturally gravitated towards and they're always super different from person to person, yk? KINDA RANDOM THO LMAO

ALSO today in my speech n debate class my friend started drawing on my hand as we listened to people's oo's from the national oratorical (is that even what it's called i have no idea) and like... i totally zoned out.. so now im behind in that class JUST A LITTLE!! listening to peoples speeches can be so boring i have serious regrets regarding choosing that class honestly 😞 but i feel like it's also one of the more fun classes you can take to fulfill the speech credits for graduation so i GUESS im staying... some of the people in that class are super cool!! getting peer pressured into joining the competitive team sigh

THATS ALL IVE GOT TODAY!! I FEEL LIKE THIS ONE WAS KINDA LONG OOPS. how are you doing ness!! i hope you're getting enough rest! make sure you're drinking enough water and eating! AND DONT FORGET YOUR MEDS ‼️ I LOVE YOU

HELLO SAV!! i??? i??? i can't? A CAR BUMPED INTO YOU??? LITERALLY DID THEY LIKE APOLOGIZE??? MAKE SURE YOU WERE OKAY??? ANYTHING AT ALL???? THAT IS SO HORRIBLE 😭 I'M SO GLAD YOU'RE OKAY BUT OMG THAT'S LITERALLY AN INJURY?? LIKE????????????????????????

AND AWH DW 😭 tbh i don't think i know many aquariuses (idk the plural version either!!) BUT THE STARS HAVE NOTHING ON US </3 AND YES!! MANGO ANON GOT A BURNER BUT I THINK WE'LL STILL BE YAPPING THROUGH ASKS A LOT <3 IT'S JUST FOR US TO BE LIKE "i miss u </3" and tell each other short things in the meantime 😭

AND AW THAT'S SO SWEET AND KIND THANK YOU SO MUCH :((( PLEASE DON'T APOLOGIZE AT ALL FOR BRINGING US/MANGO ANON UP!! you're not doing it a lot or anything so don't worry at all <33 idk who my ideal kind of friend is!! like everyone is so unique and i think i get along with most people <3 i just really appreciate people who are like very understanding and kind!! like obviously i'm very?? like soft hearted?? or like gentle. like for example i don't like to curse outside my fics bc for me i always associated it with being mad?? or just kind of scary?? like ofc i really don't care if other people curse!! it's just a personal preference/choice and so i think i just appreciate people who are observant and kind!! idk everyone super cool :D and i've learned a lot from people who are different from me so i like most people!! (just not middle school freshmen boys who are super rude and annoying and loud yk 🌝)

SPEECH AND DEBATE SOUNDS HORRIBLE 😭 I'M SORRY BUT I COULD NEVER I'M SO LUCKY MY SCHOOL DIDN'T HAVE A SPEECH REQUIREMENT OR ANYTHING BC I WOULD NOT HAVE SURVIVED </33 and i've always been like a very "idc!! u have ur opinion and i have mine i'm not gonna try and convince u to have my opinion!! like seriously idc pls i don't want to argue or debate!!" so i really just could not survive that class at all but best of luck to you!!

IT WAS GOOD TO HEAR FROM YOU SAV!! i am doing ok!!! it's nice bc idk my manager didn't really schedule me this entire week 😭 BUT I'M NOT COMPLAINING!! I AM LIVING MY BEST LIFE WITH ALL THIS FREETIME LIKE I ACTUALLY AM REALLY ENJOYING IT so that's been nice!! AND THANK YOU SO MUCH <33 TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF TOO!! I HOPE YOU TOOK YOUR MEDS!!

[ao3littlelesshuman]

LISTEN I'm obsessed with fratverse as it is and I will take any content I can get 😂 but goddamn if I don't need to see the aftermath of Dans outburst and him taking care of baby Daniel

(I have questions like is this his first real trip??? At least with that substance?? Is he gonna have a real bad comedown and need cuddles??? Is it gonna be bad enough he never wants to do it again or that he wants to do it again to avoid the comedown symptoms immediately instead of waiting it out??

Also we love slutty pasl but i kinda feel like he's gonna feel so guilty and have to apologise a shit ton when he's completely sober again 😭 like he already seemed to be feeling that way in the end and he obviously wasn't happy with Sushi, is Daniel gonna have to show poor pasl he has no regrets once he's sober??? Drunk words are sober thoughts or whatever the saying is LOL)

bless you anon 🥰 so glad this little AU resonates with so many people!

hm so. I actually pretty much immediately had thoughts about what a post-incident mutual comfort session between the Daniels might look like! so I could eventually explore that 👀 though I feel compelled to mention I really tried not to overly babify Daniel K in the most recent installment 😅 that's why I have him at a similar level of proactive engagement as Pascal; obviously Daniel doesn't realize exactly why his inhibitions may be unusually low but he's also not being pushed around by any means y'know? I wanted him to have some agency. but yes I think he's probably never done E before that night in this universe, more of a stoner who has perhaps tried hallucinogens a couple of times but is kind of unprepared for something with a really intense full-body sensory effect.

Pascal DEFINITELY FEELS GUILTY BIG TIME, but I do think they work it out relatively quickly and smoothly. they're roommates, they're close and they get each other on a special level 🥰🥰